


I Crave Your Light, You Crave My Darkness

by AnonymousJedi



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Force Bond, Force Ghost Luke Skywalker, Force Visions, Learning to trust, Romance, Slow Burn, Temptation, mildly smutty interactions in later chapters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-20
Updated: 2018-08-23
Packaged: 2019-02-17 10:56:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 14,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13075407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnonymousJedi/pseuds/AnonymousJedi
Summary: Following the events of The Last Jedi, Rey attempts to cut off all connection from Kylo Ren only to find that the effects are unbearable for both of them. The two characters struggle to come to terms with their force bond whilst balancing larger agendas for the First Order and Resistance. A Kylo/Rey romance





	1. Chapter 1

Rey wakes with a small yawn and a hollow feeling in her chest. It hurts to move. It hurts to breathe. But it isn’t pain so much as a persistent ache that plagues her day and night.

Her limbs feel extraordinarily heavy as Rey sits up in bed, rubbing her forehead wearily. It had been a week since the battle on Crait. A week since they’d lost Luke. A week since, well… a week since she’d seen _him_.

Rey spends her days meditating and using her slowly-expanding knowledge of the force to sever the bond, extricating Kylo from her mind completely.

Thus far, it seems to be working, but at an unfathomable price.

Rey is physically and emotionally drained. Despite being well-fed and rested, she feels starved beyond anything she’d ever experienced in her darkest days on Jakku. As if she is being deprived of the most basic nutrients, like a flower wilting in the desert sun. Suffocated instead of liberated. It makes no logical sense, but she knows she can’t hide it much longer. People are beginning to notice her rapid state of decline.

Rey needs to be strong and alert, for the sake of her friends and for the sake of the dwindling Resistance. But instead she is consumed by thoughts of Kylo Ren; even in his absence. She is in no condition to help- not like this. Something has to change. She _needs_ him like she needs air.

With a defeated sigh, Rey gets to her feet and begins dressing as she replays Kylo’s words in her head for the umpteenth time.

 

> _You have no place in this story._
> 
> _You come from nothing._
> 
> _You’re nothing._
> 
> _But not to me._

She shivers at the memory of his voice as she secures the belt around her waist. Why did her mind insist on tormenting her like this?

As she stoops down to lace up her boots, Rey feels a shooting pain in her head. She squeezes her eyes shut, waiting for it to pass when she suddenly realizes it isn’t her pain at all. It’s _his_ …

When she opens her eyes, Kylo is there. Sitting across the room with his back to her. At once so close, and yet still so far away.

Rey’s jaw falls open, despite knowing in her heart that she’d allowed this to happen. She’d wanted- no, _needed_ \- it to happen. And now it has. And suddenly, it feels like she can breathe again. The force rolls over her in waves, and the sense of relief she feels instantly terrifies her. Against all reason, she craves his presence as if her very survival depends on it.

Kylo doesn’t move and Rey isn’t sure whether he realizes that she’s there. Timidly, she takes a couple of steps toward him.

“Ben?” his given name seems to echo in the void between them.

She hears him release a frustrated breath with a soft but distinct _huff_.

“You have no right to call me that,” he replies after a long, thoughtful silence. “Not anymore.”

Rey is surprised by his objection. She opens her mouth to question him when Kylo rises to his feet, still facing the other way.

“You shut me out.” He states this as a fact, as if still trying to process the information. His voice is stern, but there’s an edge to it that almost sounds… _hurt_.

Rey swallows nervously. “Can you blame me?” she asks softly, noticing as he clenches his hands into fists.

Kylo finally turns to face her and Rey is startled at the sight of him. Blotched skin. Dark, purple pockets beneath his eyes. He looks even worse than when Snoke was torturing him. He _looks_ the way Rey _feels_. _Haunted_.

“You’re killing us. You know that right?”

Rey just stares at him, unable to tear her eyes away, utterly dumbfounded. “I- I don’t understand.”

“Stop playing naïve!!” Kylo demands, kicking over the chair he’d been sitting in just moments before. “Your intentions are clear, but you’re messing with something beyond your control.” His dark eyes are filled with rage. A passionate rage. Rey gets the feeling that it isn’t directed toward her so much as the circumstance, but that does little to quell her rising anxiety as he approaches like a predator stalking its prey.

“Force bonds can’t be broken. They _can’t_ ,” Kylo informs her with undisputable certainty. “We’re stuck with each other whether we like it or not.”

“I don’t believe that,” Rey remarks softly.

“Ahhhh- you’re so stubborn!” Kylo shouts with frustration. “Just like Skywalker… blinded by your own notions of right and wrong! You can’t see what’s right in front of you, even when you know it in your heart to be true.”

He’s close now- staring down the bridge of his nose at her with wide, wild eyes. “The force has chosen to connect us… and I can respect that. But I don’t appreciate being tortured at your hand. If you’re going to kill me, I’d prefer we do it face to face. Even then, we’re linked. You can’t destroy me without destroying yourself.”

“That’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make,” Rey spits haughtily without a second thought.

Kylo snatches her wrist and holds it firmly between his gloved fingers, demanding her attention. “Don’t say things like that,” he demands. “Even in jest. I don’t want to hurt you.”  

Rey’s heartbeat is erratic. She should be terrified, but there’s something inexplicably _intoxicating_ about his closeness. “Then what _do_ you want, Kylo?” she inquires curiously.

“I want you to see reason,” he responds right away. “Whatever’s happening between us… let it happen.” His gaze shifts downward ever-so-briefly, noting the pinkish shade of her parted lips before returning to her eyes. “Trust the force.” His voice is barely more than a whisper. His grip on her fades as the connection ends and Kylo disappears.

Rey nearly chokes on the air caught in her throat as she is left standing alone in the middle of the room, trembling.


	2. Frustrations Abound

Kylo looks into the empty space where Rey had been standing. He clenches his hand into a tight fist, nothing but air slipping through his fingers where her warm flesh had been just moments ago.

It felt good- to touch her. It grounded him. In shutting him out, Rey had created an itch in Kylo. The girl had infected his thoughts like a virus. At times, she even unwittingly fills his dreams. He can’t escape her, and in truth, he doesn’t want to.

_I’ll destroy her. And you. And all of it._

Kylo scowls at the memory of those words leaving his lips. He hates that he didn’t mean it; even at the time. That no matter how he tries, he can’t bring himself to truly oppose her. He sees too much of himself in Rey. He’d felt it the moment they’d met. Even before realizing she was force sensitive.

And now he is connected.

 _Eternally_.

To this girl who absolutely detests him.

Kylo removes the saber from his belt, ignites it, and slashes into a nearby console with one broad stroke. Hux enters the room just in time to witness his outburst and waits for the Supreme Leader to deactivate his weapon before speaking.

“Are you quite done Ren, or shall I hold out a bit longer before calling maintenance?”

 

* * *

 

 

Heart pounding, Rey takes a deep breath, struggling to grapple with her variety of emotions as he vanishes. She’s nothing short of terrified. Repulsed. Ashamed of herself for even speaking so much as two words to Kylo. And yet… there’s also an undeniable sense of relief undermining her reality presently. It’s the kind of satisfaction that only water can bring to one suffering from dehydration.

Rey swallows uneasily.

 _Trust the force,_ he’d said.

It’s good advice. Even if it did come from the worst place imaginable.

With newfound curiosity, Rey hastily recovers the old Jedi texts from the drawer where she’d stashed them on the Falcon. She pulls out one of the books, running her fingers gently over its weathered cover. Perhaps these volumes hold the answers she seeks.

After hours of thumbing through pages and skimming over dense passages of Jedi ideology, Rey finally finds what she is looking for: Force Bonds.  

 

> _Force bonds are uniquely intimate connections forged between two beings, through which they may consciously or unconsciously share their innermost thoughts, feelings and imaginings. Such a bond may be induced through a variety of circumstances, or it may also arise naturally of its own accord. However, at the most basic level, those who share the bond must be innately compatible. A force bond cannot simply be willed into existence._

This strikes Rey as odd, considering Snoke claimed to have fabricated the connection between she and Kylo. Does that mean… the bond was already there? That they were always headed for this? Disgusted, she pushes those worries away as best she can and continues reading.

 

> _The strength of the connection is entirely dependent on the strength of the individual force users. Some force bonds require physical contact to initiate shared visions. Others may actively span the universe, proving virtually limitless._

Desperate to understand, Rey breezes through the chapter with haste until she gets to the very end.

 

> _The severance of a force bond is near impossible to achieve, and the physical and psychological effects of such a separation are devastating, if not fatal. In addition, the death of one partner will almost always mean death for the other._

Rey is left gaping in horror.

He was telling the truth. In fact, as far as she can tell, Kylo had only ever told Rey the truth, and she absolutely detests him for it. It would be so much easier to hate him; so much easier to paint him as a monster if he had been deceptive all along. Instead, his honesty is just incredibly unsettling.

“Ahhrrrg!” Rey snaps the book shut in frustration and tosses it across the room as her entire body begins to shake with small, uncontrollable sobs.

She hates this. She hates him. She hates that the force has chosen to connect them.

“Why me?!” she cries out, not fully realizing she is speaking out loud. “I’m nobody…” she adds under her breath, almost nostalgic for her days of scavenging on Jakku.

 _Not to me_ , Kylo’s voice reminds her, interrupting the silence.

Rey spins around aggressively, fully prepared to use his smug face as a punching bag, only to find that there’s nobody there. She’s all alone. And the only thing worse than the emptiness in her heart is the gut-wrenching sense of disappointment she feels in Kylo’s absence.

Rey sinks to her knees, taking deep, calming breaths as she allows the hot tears to flow down her face therapeutically. Recalling Luke’s first lesson, she closes her eyes and reaches out in attempt to find some temporary peace. 

Almost immediately, she senses a presence outside the door, and a soft knocking brings her back to reality. Rey quickly stands and wipes her face before opening the door.

“Rey?” Leia greets her with cautious concern, immediately sensing that something is off.  

“Yes, General Organa?”

The seasoned woman standing before her sees right through Rey’s too-high voice and too-easy smile. Not to mention her watery, reddened eyes.

“May I come in?” Leia asks, knowing they need to talk. Rey just nods silently, stepping aside. The General turns to face her with a gentle smile. “I know you’ve been through a lot dear. We all have. But you don’t look well… Is everything okay?”

Rey instinctively wants to deny the truth. It’s her nature- to push through things and survive. ‘ _I’m fine_ ’ she wants to say. ‘ _Don’t worry about me_ …’  And yet there’s no use lying; Leia can plainly see that something is wrong.

“Not really,” Rey finally admits, her voice small.

“Tell me,” Leia prompts. Her eyes are curious and welcoming, and it kills Rey to even think about Kylo in his mother’s presence. She deserves so much better than him.

Rey hesitates. “I- I just- I shouldn’t…”

“Tell me,” Leia repeats more sternly. This time it’s an order.

“It’s Ben,” Rey admits as her gaze falls to the ground in shame. She isn’t sure what exactly she’s ashamed of. It’s not like she chose to have this connection with Leia’s son. Their enemy.

There’s a short pause as Leia considers what this could mean. “What about him?” she presses, trying to remain as indifferent as possible.

“We have a… _bond_ ,” Rey confesses, her cheeks immediately flushing pink for some reason. She takes a breath, knowing she needs to confide in someone, and with Luke out of the picture, Leia would surely be the most apt mentor. “It’s a force bond, I guess. It started on Ahch-To. Snoke claimed to have contrived it as a means of luring me in, but… I can still _feel_ him. Even now. We can communicate across galaxies…”

Leia attempts to mask the magnitude of her concern, but Rey knows her distress is fully warranted- both as Ben’s mother and as the leader of the Resistance. This kind of link to the First Order could pose a threat to everyone’s safety.

“Why didn’t you mention this sooner, Rey?” Leia wonders, trying to be compassionate, but also strategic. Perhaps such a connection could be used to their benefit.

“I tried to cut him off,” Rey asserts, gentle tears now streaming down her face against her will. “Ever since Crait I’ve been blocking him out. But… it’s like… it’s like I can’t _breathe_ … without him,” Rey says, knowing her admission makes absolutely no sense. She shakes her head in frustration. “I don’t want this! I don’t want anything to do with him!” Rey cries out, feeling as if she needs to assure Leia of her loyalty.

“I know dear,” Leia comforts her with a warm hug. “The force works in mysterious ways. I can’t pretend to understand what’s happening between you and my son. And I know this isn’t easy to hear, but there must be a reason…”

Rey nods in tentative agreement.

“You’re a strong girl, Rey. I know you’re used to doing things on your own, but you don’t have to anymore. I’m here for you. You can tell me anything,” Leia reminds her.

“Thank you,” Rey says in a grateful whisper. But even now, as she embraces Leia, she finds herself thinking of Ben.

 _You’re not alone_ , he’d told her that night in the hut.

 _Neither are you_ , she’d replied. And oh how she wanted to believe it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for your lovely comments! Can't wait to post more updates soon!


	3. See You In My Nightmares

It’s the middle of the night and Kylo is awake in his chambers, as usual. He rarely sustains more than a few hours’ sleep at a time. Ben had always preferred solitude. Even as a youngling, he sought out quiet places for contemplation. Contentment is not in his nature. There are always things to mull over and reconsider. Recently he finds his thoughts drifting from Han to Snoke… but eventually, no matter how hard he resists, it always inevitably comes back to Rey. The girl. The scavenger. His “equal in the light” as his former master had referred to her.  

Kylo closes his eyes and he can almost feel her. Rey’s presence seems to taunt and mock him from afar. Ever since she’d refused his offer to join him in starting a new order, Kylo is utterly haunted. He tries to hate her, and yet he still yearns for the day that she stands by his side instead of opposite him.

The force is willing them towards one another. He can feel it, and he wants, desperately, to understand why.

Kylo spends forty minutes or so in a quiet meditation. It’s the one part of his Jedi training that he still finds useful. Anchoring even.

When he opens his eyes, the Supreme Leader is calmer than he’s been in weeks. And suddenly he realizes why.

She’s there. _Rey_.

Her sleeping form lies peacefully just across the room. Her very presence is like some sort of tonic- bringing instant, albeit temporary relief from the pains of reality.

Kylo’s breath catches as he looks upon Rey, lying comfortably on her side. He almost envies her ability to sleep when he picks up on something. The easy rise and fall of her chest becomes more and more labored. She’s dreaming; and quite vividly too.

The images currently filling Rey’s head leave vague impressions in the force surrounding them. Intrigued, Kylo looks on from afar as her subconscious continues to weave a fictitious narrative. Rey becomes increasingly restless until she eventually bolts upright, breathless and terrified.

Gasping for breath, Rey clutches her chest, as if to verify that she is still in one piece. Quickly coming to terms with the fact that it was only nightmare, she begins to settle down, only to realize she isn’t alone. Rey turns her head and promptly meets the dark, persistent gaze of her unwelcome guest.

“Kriffing hell Kylo, what are you doing here?!” she exclaims, overwhelmed.

“Your guess is as good as mine.”

Rey dislikes the ease with which he addresses her every time they meet. “Were you watching me _sleep_?” she asks, mortified at the prospect of being unconscious in Kylo’s presence. He holds her gaze, unblinking.

“Leave,” Rey finally orders when he doesn’t respond.

“I don’t think I have much say in the matter.” As far as Kylo can tell, neither of them seems to have any direct control over the timing or duration of these connections.

“I don’t care, get out,” Rey repeats obstinately.

Ren ignores her, cocking his head curiously as he comes a step closer. “You were dreaming…” he notes knowingly. “About _me_ …”

“You stay out of my head!” Rey screams at him defensively.

“I wasn’t in your mind. I don’t need to be. I feel everything you feel.” Rey shivers under his gaze as Kylo stares intently into her eyes. “You’re _afraid_ of me.”

Unable to look away, Rey also can’t bring herself to deny the truth in his observation. “That should hardly come as a surprise.”

“You don’t need to be,” Ren assures her. “I told you I’m not going to hurt you. And I meant it.”

“I don’t believe you,” Rey exhales nervously, shaking her head.

Kylo slowly steps forward.

“Stay away from me,” she warns, but he ignores her as he always does.

“Have you learned _nothing_ from Skywalker about facing your fears? Are you too going to run away from that which scares you?”

“Never!” Rey insists defiantly.

Another step closer. They’re face to face now.

“Then stop pushing me away,” Kylo instructs. “I can feel it- even now- the resistance within you. You’re terrified, but you don’t _want_ to be.” The way he watches her and analyzes her micro-expressions in response to his words is beyond unsettling. “Rey, you’ve read the texts. You know what’s happening and yet you continue to fight it. Why?”

Rey looks up at his towering form with a stubborn expression. “You’ll only corrupt me.”

“The force doesn’t seem to think so. I can help you, Rey. We can help each other. Just let me in.” His voice is soft, but there’s a mysterious edge to it. One that Rey can’t quite pinpoint. And it’s that very unpredictability that makes her the most wary of Kylo.

“No,” she says simply. And the connection ends.

Rey immediately leaves the secondary hold, which had become her makeshift quarters during their time on the Falcon, and heads to the cockpit where she finds Chewie and Poe. Leia didn’t want to stay put in any one place for too long, so they’d been jumping from planet to planet and system to system until they could come up with a long-term plan. Presently, the majority of their time is spent in-flight.  

“Hey,” Poe greets, enthusiastic as ever. “What are you doing up?” The two had developed a friendly rapport since meeting back on Crait.

“Couldn’t sleep,” Rey answers simply, desperate to turn her attention elsewhere. “So where are we?”

Poe and the Wookie exchange a glance. “You got this?” Poe asks from the co-pilot's seat before standing and taking Rey by the arm.

“What’s going on?” she asks in confusion as Poe leads her down the main corridor.

“Rey,” he says as gently as possible. “General Organa has decided that for the safety of everyone on board, it would be better if our destinations were kept under wraps.”

“Ahh,” Rey understands immediately, trying to mask her disappointment as best she can. “She told you…”

Poe looks genuinely confused. “Told me _what_?”

“Nothing!” Rey quickly corrects, realizing they are both in the dark about certain things. “Nevermind, I understand,” she says with a small, pained smile.

Yet as she walks away, one thought lingers in Rey’s mind above all else: _Leia doesn’t trust me._

She slips into the main hold and takes a seat on an empty crate. Luckily everyone else is still asleep, leaving Rey alone with her thoughts.

 _Leia doesn’t trust me_.

“Are you sure it’s you she doesn’t trust?” Kylo’s voice interrupts.

Rey looks up, irritated but weirdly thankful for the company. “You again already? It’s really too early for this,” she remarks playfully under her breath.  

“You told her, didn’t you. About me? About… us?”

“There is no _us_ ,” Rey informs him matter-of-factly.

“Yes, you keep insisting that and yet… here we are.”

Rey shoots him an exasperated look but finds it increasingly exhausting to push Kylo away.

“So what happened in your dream?” he asks, breaking the brief silence between them.

“You obviously know…”

He does know, but Kylo wants her to talk about it. “Say it,” he prompts. “Tell me what happened.”

Why is he always giving her orders? 

“You killed me,” Rey says, looking at the ground. “When the time came, you killed _me_ instead of Snoke." Her eyes water just thinking about the imaginary pain. "I could feel your lightsaber go through me. I could feel my own flesh burn like it really happened...” she explains. 

“But I didn’t kill you Rey…” Kylo takes a seat beside her and reaches for the girl’s hand. His girl. She watches as he entwines their fingers, making no move to stop him. “I _chose_ you,” he states simply. Kylo’s eyes widen, as if pleading with her to believe him. “I gave up everything I’ve ever known… just to find out how you fit into this story.”

Rey glances down at their hands, and instead of being frightened or repulsed, she finds herself wishing she could feel the warm skin beneath his glove like the first time their fingers had touched. Horrified, she realizes that Kylo can surely sense this desire within her. 

"Don't be afraid," he encourages, meeting her timid gaze. "I feel it too."

 

 


	4. Hazy Visions

Rey doesn’t trust Kylo, but she stops actively resisting their connection and finds that she can breathe a bit easier in general. The bond quickly becomes a routine part of their lives. They are careful with one another. Wary, but civil for the most part. Sometimes they don’t say anything at all, and instead just go on about their lives, accepting the sporadic company and waiting for the link to fade. However with each passing day, Kylo and Rey seem to become more and more in tune with the energies of their counterparts.

The Resistance, or what’s left of it, had taken refuge in the Outer Rim territory of Arkanis for the time being. Beyond that, Rey has no knowledge of Leia’s military strategy. Frankly it’s difficult to believe they could even _have_ a strategy given their lack of both equipment and personnel.  

“How long are we going to go on like this?” Kylo finally asks one day.

“Like what?” Rey replies innocently, eyes darting away from his. The intensity of Ren’s gaze could be overwhelming.

“Like we aren’t on opposite sides of a war…” he clarifies for her.

“Oh.” The disappointment is evident in her voice. Rey doesn’t want to think about that. In truth, she almost enjoys her recent semi-detachment from the Resistance. She finds a strange peace in the uncertainty of things as they currently stand. A galaxy in flux is better than a galaxy in chaos. Rey doesn’t want to think about what will inevitably happen when the two sides meet and clash once again. She doesn’t want to imagine fighting this man who’d made a home in her head.

Kylo senses the depth of her anxiety and doesn’t press the matter further. “Hux is looking for you,” he informs Rey casually.

She looks up at him with wide, questioning eyes.

“I haven’t told him where you are… but it’s only a matter of time before his soldiers find you. They’re scouring the galaxy as we speak. For your sake, I hope my mother knows what she’s doing.”

Rey barely hears the last of his words. She’s in a state of complete disbelief. “You… you know where I am, but you didn’t say anything?”

The silence between them is punctuated by one of Kylo’s signature stares; dark, deep and unwavering.  

“Why?” she asks, her brows knit together in confusion.

“You know why,” he replies enigmatically, and disappears. The force swirls electrically in Kylo’s absence and Rey isn’t sure she understands at all.   

* * *

 

That evening, Rey falls into a deep sleep. Yet somehow, on the very edge of her periphery, she’s acutely aware that she’s dreaming.

Rey finds herself materializing in a vast white space with seemingly no end. There are no visible edges or corners. It is infinite, and yet quite intimate at the same time. Somehow this place feels at once both empty, and as if it contains everything she’d ever need.

There are two figures on her left and two figures on her right.

They are vague, humanoid forms. Nothing but shadows. Anonymous, yet somehow familiar.

“Hello?” Rey’s timid voice echoes in the impossible void. There is no response aside from slight movement from some of the figures. They seem to hear her.

“Who’s there?” she asks tentatively. “Who are you? What do you want?”

“It’s not about what _they_ want,” a familiar voice intervenes.

“Luke!” Rey cries out in amazement as she turns to find the ghost of the fallen Jedi standing behind her. But that can’t be. “This is a dream, surely…”

“No Rey, it’s not a dream. It’s a vision. The Force is trying to show you something. You need to decide what it is that you want.”

Rey glances back toward the mysterious silhouettes, trying to make sense of the abstractions.

“But what does it all mea-” she cuts herself short when she turns to find nothing but empty space where Luke had been standing. “Master Skywalker?” She spins in a circle, puzzled by his sudden disappearance as the vision fades. 

* * *

Across the galaxy, Kylo Ren endures a similar vision. Only in his, there are four apparitions on one side and two on the other.   

“I told you I’d be seeing you…” Luke Skywalker’s voice taunts him from beyond the grave.

Kylo turns to face his uncle with a terrified look on his face.

“So what’s it going to be, Ben?”

“What is this?” Kylo demands with ragged breath. “I don’t understand."

“You will. In time,” Luke answers cryptically. “And when the time comes, you’ll have to choose a side…”

But before Kylo can make any sense of it, everything goes black.

* * *

It’s Kylo who wakes first. He inhales deeply and his nostrils are instantly filled with a fresh, unfamiliar aroma. He rouses unenthusiastically and is utterly stunned to find Rey asleep in his arms- her back to his chest. Kylo’s pulse races as he fights the instinct to abruptly pull away. However, her even breathing and lack of opposition must mean she’s still asleep. The last thing he wants to do is face her under these circumstances. Rey would be furious if she knew. In fact, Kylo almost smiles just imagining the outburst. But the warmth radiating from her body is so… _foreign_ and so… _pleasant_ that he can’t bring himself to move. The connection would inevitably fade on its own, and with that knowledge, Kylo allows himself this brief indulgence. Closing his eyes, he takes note of the way her hair tickles his chin. And how one of her delicate ankles is tucked between his shins.

It’s wrong- _so_ wrong, to find enjoyment in this. And yet somehow, things always feel more _right_ in her presence. 

How is it possible, Kylo wonders, that their unconscious minds allowed this to happen?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seriously, thank you for all your comments. I enjoy reading each and every one of them!! I'm a bit sick at the moment, but I'll try and update as frequently as I can. Thanks for sticking around.


	5. Sabers and Schisms

Kylo stands aboard the star destroyer _Implacatus_ with his hands behind his back, gazing into the vastness of space. He ponders how the galaxy can appear so quiet and inactive when in reality there is conflict stirring in just about every corner.

There’s an uncanny beauty to the endless void speckled with stars, and Kylo Ren, Supreme Leader of The First Order, is not blind to it. His thoughts are interrupted however, by the electronic hiss of a door sliding open across the room and the rhythmic sound of footsteps following shortly thereafter.

“We have a lead.” Hux’s distinct voice echoes confidently as he strides onto the viewing deck. Kylo turns to face the General silently. “Our source tells us the Resistance is hiding somewhere in the Outer Rim. I’ve dispatched another unit and ordered them to kill on sight.”

“No,” Kylo objects immediately. The order escapes his lips before he even knows why he says it. 

Hux is taken aback. Surely The Supreme Leader should be thrilled with this development.

“No?” he repeats in disbelief, as if the word leaves a bad taste in his mouth.

“Pull them out immediately,” Kylo demands without a second thought, shoving past Hux with resolve. He can't risk Rey being hurt. His own survival is now linked to hers, but of course he doesn't want his second in command to know that. “Your men are useless in this fight.”

The General stiffens, shifting his weight uncomfortably. “I take offen-“

“-the girl murdered _Snoke_ ,” Kylo snaps, following up on the lie he’d told Hux in the throne room. “Do you really think she’ll not cut through a hundred of your men with ease?”

The ginger-haired man remains unconvinced by Ren's objections. “I doubt even _she_ can survive the effects a long-range explosive...”

“And what if she senses you coming and the Resistance slips through our fingers yet again? Your little escapade will have set us back even further,” Kylo claims, doing his best to keep Rey safe without raising suspicion. 

The General tightens his jaw resentfully, his hatred for The Supreme Leader fully evident. “What do you suggest then?”

“Leave it to me. I’m working this from the inside. I'll let you know when I require your aid.”

Hux’s expression is a muddle of confusion and mistrust. “Very well sir,” he enunciates as though it physically pains him to oblige. Nevertheless, Hux turns on his heel and follows orders. As he walks away, Kylo begins to wonder how much longer he can trust the General to carry out his will.

* * *

Meanwhile, on Arkanis, Rey is eager to restore the lightsaber that had been destroyed in her standoff with Kylo. Poe helps her locate a junk dealer where Rey is able to procure some thin, insulated wiring and a cylindrical piece of Ruusan Copper which she intends to use for the new hilt. Luckily, the kyber crystal and much of the interior mechanics are still salvageable.  

Back at the new Resistance compound, Rey tinkers with the pieces of broken saber as Finn looks on, completely fascinated.  

“Looks like Ren’s handiwork,” he remarks lightheartedly, motioning towards a fragment of the weapon he’d wielded with his own hands on Starkiller Base. “So what happened with you two anyway? Back on _The Supremacy_ , I mean. You never really explained.” Finn isn’t trying to be nosey; he’s just curious and concerned.

“I’d rather not talk about it,” Rey replies with a small smile that pleads for his understanding. Finn hates that she no longer confides in him, but doesn’t want to push his friend.

“Is there anything I can do?” he presses.

“Well, if you could hold this piece open for me- I need to reach in and remove the existing wire,” Rey says, completely focused on the task at hand.

Finn hesitates before following her instructions.

“Actually, I meant… is there anything I can do to help you more, in general?”

Rey looks up from her work. She isn’t used to having _anyone_ care about her well-being, let alone several people. Suddenly she feels a bit guilty for keeping him at arm’s length lately.

“Finn, you’re already doing it,” she assures him. “Just by being my friend. I’m sorry if I haven’t been myself recently. A lot has happened and I- I just need some time...”

He nods sympathetically. “Of course. I’m here for you, whenever you need me.”

“I know,” she grins.

* * *

Rey spends the better part of three days rebuilding the saber. _Her_ saber. And she couldn’t be more pleased with the result. The Ruusan copper has a brilliant golden-brown coloring which offsets the bright blue of the blade in a completely different way than before.

Rey’s lips tug into a proud smile as she holds the weapon in her hand, getting a feel for its new weight. Igniting it, she immediately falls into a defensive stance, calling upon her extremely limited experience. Taking a deep breath, she reaches out into the force around her before parrying forward and back as if against an imaginary enemy.

Rey begins cutting into the air with the saber just as she had on Ahch-To, reveling in the deep hum of the blade. She practices swinging at a diagonal, studying and repeating the motions to the best of her ability; dissatisfied with the way her movements currently feel.

Completely focused on her technique, Rey doesn’t notice when Kylo appears behind her, observing her for a time with his arms crossed, deep in thought.

“Your shoulders are tense,” his familiar, low voice eventually interrupts. Rey spins around in surprise, but says nothing. He meets her eyes from across the room. “It’s diminishing the arc of your swing.”

“I don’t recall asking for your help,” she says with a hint of a smirk upon her lips.

Kylo doesn’t acknowledge her newly crafted saber out loud, but Rey can see him studying the object plainly as he unfolds his arms and walks towards her. She can tell by the unusually warm, pleasant energy surrounding him that he’s impressed.

“Turn around,” Kylo orders without context.

“Why?” Rey asks skeptically.

He rolls his eyes at her obstinance. “So that I can help you with your form.”

With a sigh, Rey obliges, spinning around and carefully lifting her saber in the air.

Kylo steps in close behind her, placing a gentle hand on her left shoulder and pressing down.

“Relax,” he encourages softly, leaning in to speak in her ear. Rey finds it difficult to do so much as breathe.

“Use your arms…” His fingertips brush lightly along her triceps.

“And your back...” He presses both hands into her upper torso, silently guiding her with his touch.

Rey’s skin tingles in his absence when Kylo pulls away, and for a moment, she can think of little else. With great effort however, she centers herself before swinging with confidence.

“Better,” Kylo compliments, implying that there is still room for improvement. “Don’t forget to use your feet to ground yourself. It’ll give you more momentum.”

Rey repeats the motion a handful of times, minding his critiques, and is amazed at the immediate difference. She can feel the force flowing through her body more easily and it’s nothing short of exhilarating. Deactivating the saber, Rey turns and looks at Kylo with a slightly awed, skeptical expression.

A quiet moment passes between them as Rey suppresses a 'thank you'. Ren can feel an eager curiosity radiating from her.

“I could teach you, you know," he asserts hopefully. "Not just this. Lots of things. If you’d let me.”

Rey's stomach flips and her expression hardens. “Don’t do this Kylo,” she shakes her head tiredly. “Not again.”

He ignores her, blinded by his own determination. “Come to me, Rey. I won’t let anything happen to you. I can show you the ways of the force. That's all I want to do. How you use those abilities is entirely up to you...”

Rey closes her mouth, furrows her brow and remains quiet. Kylo wonders whether she might actually be considering his proposal this time.

“You know I can’t do that,” she finally murmurs with a somber expression.

Kylo’s confidence shatters and his walls immediately go up. _Of course not_. He was foolish to think her answer would ever change. His pulse races as he fights to keep his breathing steady.

Rey steps forward. “But you could come find us…” she suggests impulsively. Her breath catches and without thinking, she reaches out, placing her hand upon his cheek and brushing her thumb over the scar she'd given him. “You could teach me in person, Ben,” she says with something resembling genuine enthusiasm. "If you come home…”

Kylo flinches beneath her touch.

“I don’t have a home…” he mutters indifferently before fading from view.

Rey feels the weight of his words grip her heart like a vice and a single, unwarranted tear trickles down her pale cheek. Whether it’s for him or for herself, she isn’t certain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the feels there at the end. Muahaha. Kylo and Rey are finally going to become closer next chapter, and force ghost Luke MIGHT be making an appearance- so there’s something to look forward to! Thanks for all your well wishes! I’m still pretty sick, but I just can’t get these characters out of my head! Looks like I’m in this for the long haul- but that’s good news for those of you enjoying this story. More to come soon :)


	6. First Steps

“I don’t have a home…” Kylo says somberly, thankful when he feels their connection begin to fade. But as soon as she’s gone, he wants Rey back. Like a desperate man chasing after a previous-night’s dream.

 _Why!?_ _Why is it like this? What is she doing to me?_ Breathing hard, Kylo is wracked with the usual mix of frustration, self-loathing and curiosity he feels upon encountering Rey, only this time it’s exponentially heightened. Overwhelmed, he slams his fist into the nearest wall with a frustrated grunt, hardly noticing the pain when his knuckles split open.

“Three times!” he shouts violently.

 _Three_ times she’d turned him down, and yet he had the audacity to keep asking… _and_ to keep count.

“I’m a kriffing idiot…” Kylo laments, running a hand through his hair to help quell his nervous energy. Even as Supreme Leader, he found that he still had no real control over himself, let alone the universe.

“You always were overly emotional…” Luke interjects with condescending amusement.

Kylo is in no mood to deal with his recently-departed uncle. “Get out,” he demands of the spirit without hesitation.  

“Believe me, I wouldn’t be here if you didn’t need me,” Luke assures him, suddenly nostalgic for his most peaceful days in solitude on Ahch-To.

Kylo’s eyes are black and accusing. “I _don’t_ need you,” he insists through bared teeth. “I don’t need anyone...”

Luke just shakes his head knowingly. “That’s not true. You need _her_. Rey. That’s why you’re so upset, isn’t it?”

“I’m not upset!” Kylo insists heatedly. He is practically seething at Luke’s implication. More than anything, Ben Solo hates that he seems to amount to nothing on his own. As a child he lived in the shadows of his parents, uncle and grandfather. And now that he’s finally free of Snoke’s persecution, Ben finds himself tormented by Rey. He can’t seem to function without _her_. A nobody. A nothing.

And nevertheless, she’d become his everything.

Kylo exhales dejectedly. Just thinking about Rey calms him like nothing else ever could. And yet the girl infuriates him. Nothing about her, nor the bond they share makes any kind of sense.

Luke feels the conflict stirring within his nephew, but it is no longer a perilous struggle between light and dark. It’s something much more universal. More human. _Affection_.

“You care for her, Ben…” Luke acknowledges as objectively as possible. “In a way that has been discouraged in your training on both sides of the force.”

“I don’t need a lecture,” Kylo asserts tersely. “Especially from you.”

The old Jedi sighs in exasperation, with a newfound respect for his predecessors, masters Yoda and Obi-Wan. “As usual, you couldn’t be more wrong…” With a wave of Luke’s hand, Kylo finds himself whisked into the same vision as before.

Six mysterious figures, grouped into four and two. Kylo wastes no time asking questions and instead, approaches the apparitions straightaway. He steps up to the first in the line of four. Nothing happens, but there’s something eerily familiar about the presence. It’s as if he’s looking into the eyes of someone he knows intimately. Ben is suddenly overcome with inexplicable guilt. The figure seems to call out to him, but it isn’t a gentle pull so much as a stern demand for his attention. Kylo takes a startled step backward as the shadow reaches out toward him, immediately resenting the unknown form. He continues down the line only to be met with similarly distinct pangs of anger, hatred and shame; the feelings which had come to define him for the better part of two decades.

 _Okay…_ Ren thinks, trying to make sense of what the force is showing him. Perhaps this isn’t a literal vision at all. These figures could just as easily be metaphorical entities.

Kylo is oddly at ease in the company of these undefined beings. However, there’s something seductive about the detachment displayed by the two obscurities across the room. They seem to possess the kind of freedom he’d always craved. It’s not easy- as the four figures have a magnetic hold over him- but Kylo turns and approaches the remaining pair with genuine curiosity.

There is a strange vacancy in the force where he’d expected something more concrete. He reaches out, seeking their energies, but feels nothing. Nothing but possibility. Like a blank canvas stretched out before him.

One of the forms- the taller of the two- holds out a hand. There’s an unfamiliar gentility to the gesture which intrigues Kylo. He considers it a moment, glancing over his shoulder at the others one last time before hesitantly accepting the hand of this stranger.  

Only it isn’t a stranger at all.

Luke looks on with a hopeful grin as the two shadowed obscurities reveal themselves to Kylo.

The vision is quite literal after all. A glimpse of the future. _His_ future. And it’s not what he expected.

 _This can’t be right,_ he thinks, looking to his uncle as if to verify the truth in what he’s seeing.

“Do you still doubt your path, Ben?”

Kylo is speechless.

* * *

Rey sits on the end of her bed, lost in thought. She’d been particularly subdued ever since the incident with Kylo earlier in the day. Usually she could shake off any reminders of him after their meetings, but this time is different. Something about the sincerity of his touch and the desperation in his voice clung to her like a parasitic Corellian Limpet; fearsome creatures that didn’t actively seek out living hosts, but when presented with one, would suck them dry. And that’s exactly how Rey feels: drained. As if her very existence is being consumed by Kylo Ren.

The evening drags on and Rey is able to do little more than funnel through her own thoughts. At some point, she grabs her saber and begins polishing the metal absentmindedly with the cloth of her nightshirt.

She freezes in place when Kylo appears, stealing a quick sideways glance in his direction. They regard one another in content silence for a time until Rey resumes fiddling with the weapon in her hand.

Kylo watches her quietly, unsure what to say.

“Impressive,” he finally praises out of the blue. “Building a saber without any proper instruction, that is.”

Rey didn’t realize she’d been seeking his validation until he offered it. She nearly blushes at the unexpected compliment.

“It’s not quite as detailed as yours,” she admits, observing the simple design of the hilt. “But I like how it turned out.”

“So why copper?” Kylo asks, trying his best to generate conversation that wouldn’t result in the two of them arguing.

Rey shrugs. “I didn’t exactly have a lot of options,” she articulates with a lighthearted sigh. Then her face lights up abruptly. “But I liked this particular metal because the color-” she pauses, realizing Kylo probably doesn’t care in the slightest. He _did_ ask, though. “It reminds me of Jakku… and the way the sand would sort of glow at sunrise…” she finishes, looking down in embarrassment. “It’s stupid, I know.”

Rey misinterprets the silence that follows as judgment, but Kylo is merely intrigued by the way she is able to regard her past without nearly as much hatred and resentment as is surely warranted.  

A coldness falls over the room as each of them is unwillingly consumed by memories of the past.

Rey eventually puts down the saber, stands up, and timidly makes her way over to Kylo. “I’m sorry…” she says softly. Her eyes are glassy, almost pleading.

Kylo doesn’t fully understand the context of her apology, but he can _feel_ her intent. She’s sorry for having to turn him down. Sorry that he’s as alone as she is. Sorry for everything. It’s really more an expression of sympathy than an apology.

Rey reaches out, prodding clumsily at the edges of Kylo’s mind, as if searching for something. She waits for the inevitable moment when he slams her out of his head, but it doesn’t come. Instead, Kylo unexpectedly reaches for her wrist. He carefully guides her hand to his head, pressing her fingertips against his temple.

“Imagine my mind is an ocean,” he guides her calmly. “There are no individual thoughts, just one giant pool of my existence. But _you_ are controlling the currents. Think about what you want to see, and will the tide to bring it forward…”

Rey is stunned by his openness and frankly, by the eloquence with which Kylo dictates how she should proceed to invade his mind. He doesn’t present the act as being especially intrusive, but instead as something surprisingly natural…

Kylo holds her bewildered stare. “It’s okay,” he encourages, sensing her hesitancy. “Try it.”

Rey looks up to where her fingers meet his face, zeroing in on the warmth beneath her small pads of skin. She takes a breath and closes her eyes as she reaches into his mind. He welcomes it, letting her explore the new territory. It is vast and overwhelming. Everything is muddled together. Connected. Seemingly impossible to navigate. Rey considers pulling out when Kylo’s voice echoes inside his head.

 _Breathe,_ he encourages. Only he isn’t speaking out loud.

Rey presses on, recalling the metaphor he’d used earlier. An ocean. His thoughts are like an ocean.

She wades in slowly, unsure of what exactly she’s looking for. Loneliness. Confusion. Fear. The feelings they seemed to share. As Rey’s demands become more specific, it’s as if the waters become clearer and clearer until she can finally decipher some of the images residing in Kylo’s head. Rey narrows her focus until one particular memory comes into full view. 

> _A young Ben Solo and his father. They both look so different, and yet so familiar._ _Han looks down at his son, giving him a quick pat on the shoulder. “It’ll be alright kid. Uncle Luke’s gonna take real good care of you. He knows a lot more about this force stuff than I do.”_
> 
> _Little Ben appears indifferent, but Rey can feel the tug inside of him as if she is now experiencing the moment in his place._ Don’t go _, a voice inside pleads. But he nods his head against his will._
> 
> _Chewie steps forward with a roar and engulfs Ben in a warm, furry hug, making the boy chuckle. Rey’s heart nearly melts at the sound of Ben laughing. So sweet. So innocent. And so utterly foreign to the man she knows now._
> 
> _Ben stands at his uncle’s side as he watches the Millennium Falcon rise into the sky and then quickly disappear as his father zooms into light speed, leaving him behind. Luke had brought other kids along to train. Kids just like him. But Ben Solo is alone and terrified._

The memory ends and Rey removes herself from Kylo’s head as quickly as possible. She is immediately reminded of her own abandonment on Jakku. The parallels are uncanny. And while she knows Han and Leia’s intentions had been admirable, Rey could feel the same confusion and hopelessness in Ben as when she'd watched her own parents fly away. 

They’re standing close. Closer than they’ve ever been before. They’re both breathing fast, hearts in sync as Rey realizes her hand is still resting on his face. She pulls it away as discretely as possible and is trying to think of something to say when Ben unexpectedly leans in and captures her lips with his own. 

Somewhere in the back of her mind, Rey surely means to push him away… but when the pain in her head and the ache in her heart begin to dull, she finds herself unable to move.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now we're getting somewhere! (or are we?) There's no telling how Rey might react. This chapter was a bit of a challenge in terms of where I'm trying to take the story, but man oh man has it been interesting writing this! Thanks for reading. I hope you enjoy :)


	7. I Need You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo and Rey's first kiss.

The kiss is soft and yearning. Not lustful. Not demanding. Just slow and careful... and if Rey is being perfectly honest, quite pleasant.

Time seems to dissolve as they come together in a momentary truce of sorts. Their connection transcends the labels that pit them against each other; dark and light, First Order and Resistance. All of that fades into the background, leaving nothing but Kylo and Rey. They are somehow everywhere and nowhere, in a world all their own.

With his large, plush lips against hers, their energies bleed into one another effortlessly.

His darkness.

Her light.

Kylo barely moves, out of fear that Rey may pull away at any moment. But she doesn’t. So he slips a hand around her waist with uncharacteristic delicacy. Hesitant. Pleading. Desperate.

 _Rey…_ her name echoes in his mind out of pure need.

Public displays of affection had been few and far between on Jakku. Even as Kylo’s lips caress hers, Rey doesn’t quite understand the implications of such a gesture. All she knows is that somehow… against all reason, she feels more at peace than is appropriate.

She welcomes his darkness, absorbing it like a sponge. It stings the fringes of her mind at first, but leaves her craving more. The murky energy settles within her like a fog overlaying her soul, blurring the horizon.

At the same time, Kylo’s mind is pierced by light. Warm and blinding, it caresses him like the sun. He winces in discomfort before quickly surrendering to its radiant heat.

It’s difficult to tell where Kylo ends and Rey begins. They are connected. Body and soul. One essence; tainted by both sides of the force. For the first time in as long as either of them can remember, they feel complete.

Involuntary tears of relief spill from Rey’s closed eyes. A lifetime of searching for belonging, and she finally finds it in the arms of a man who should be her enemy. She _should_ detest him for the atrocities he’s committed; but she doesn’t. She _should_ reject his advances right here and now; but she can’t. The force is pulling them together and Rey’s will to contest it is rapidly dwindling.

Kylo promptly leaves her mouth and places two chaste kisses down her moist cheek, erasing the evidence of her unwanted emotion. When he returns to her lips, Rey can taste the salt of her own tears upon him.

It is with great uncertainty that she finally allows her hands to slide between their bodies, settling on his broad chest. For the briefest of moments she indulges in the feeling of his strong form beneath her fingers before gently nudging him away.

 _Ben, stop…_ a timid voice begs from the recesses of her mind.

Kylo obliges, peering down into her wide, inquisitive eyes as he pulls back.  

Rey instinctively tries to shut him out of her head, embarrassed and confused by her own vulnerability. But his hold over her is suddenly much stronger than before.

 _Please don’t_ … Kylo implores her. He resists the urge to reach out and stroke the side of her face with the back of his hand, but Rey can feel the echo of his intent dance across her skin anyway.

“I’m sorry…” she murmurs gently, stepping back and putting some distance between them. She can hardly think with his towering form looming over her.  

“You keep saying that,” Kylo notes tiredly. “But I don’t think you know why.”

Rey just looks at him in confused wonder. “I don’t understand,” she admits openly with a frustrated shrug. “I don’t understand _anything_ about what’s happening.” Her voice is strained with concern as Kylo stalks forward, once again closing the space between them. Rey glances up at him through her lashes.  

“I don’t want to fight you Ben...” Her voice is little more than a whisper, struggling to articulate what she’s feeling. “I just…”

“You don’t trust me,” Kylo finishes for her knowingly.

It’s true and Rey doesn’t bother denying it. Her feelings are no longer hers alone.

“I want too…” she concedes, clearly torn. But her thoughts inevitably drift back to Han. As long as she lives, Rey will never forget the demonic glow of Kylo’s notorious red saber as it pierced through his father’s body. As much as she has come to understand the young man standing before her, Rey also fears him and what he’s capable of.

“You just can’t let go of the past,” he observes, following her train of thought easily.

“Stop doing that!” Rey demands of him firmly, already resenting their deepened connection.

Kylo scoffs. “I can’t help it if you project everything that goes through that pretty little head of yours,” he replies snidely.

“Well maybe I wouldn’t think so loudly if I had someone here to teach me!” Rey counters, shoving on his chest in aggravation. Kylo doesn’t budge.   

“Is that what you want? You _want_ me to come and teach you?”

“No.” Rey answers abruptly. The speed of her response is almost hurtful. “I think it’s probably better that we’re galaxies apart.”

“Why?” Kylo presses tauntingly, bringing his face close to hers. “Because you don’t trust _me_ , or because you don’t trust yourself _with_ me?”

There it is. The signature Solo smirk. He looks so much like his father.

“Ben…” Rey’s tone is warning.

“Stop calling me that!” he objects in annoyance.

“I won’t.” Rey claims decisively. “It’s who you are. Or at least who you want to be.”

“It’s a constant reminder of my failure is what it is.”

Rey goes quiet, observing Leia’s son with genuine intrigue. “You haven’t failed yet,” she says with hope in her eyes. “There’s still time to fix this. Kylo, there must be something we can do! You're leading the most formidable organization in the galaxy…”

“Not for long,” he mutters under his breath.

Rey is perplexed by his response. “What does that mean?”

“I’m hanging on by a thread,” Kylo snaps defensively. There’s bitterness in his voice. “They don’t fear or respect me the way they did Snoke. It’s only a matter of time before Hux and the entire order try something. They hate me. Everyone hates me. My own mother hates me.”

And suddenly Rey’s heart aches for him again. It’s a vicious cycle- their relationship- constantly wavering between loathing and compassion.

“I don’t hate you,” she assures him confidently.

“Not anymore… but you did once. And you want to now. I can feel it within you.”

“This isn’t about me,” Rey protests.

“Oh right, we were talking about my inability to do anything right-” Kylo remarks derisively, “including lead the First Order…”

Rey tilts her head, irritated by his self-ridicule. “Surely you can handle yourself. I’ve seen you fight Ben… You’re strong.”

“Heh,” he laughs off the comment in disbelief. “You’re foolish if you think I’m strong.”

Rey’s brows knit together, almost pained by his blindness. Her shoulders fall as she relaxes a little. “Ben, you’re _incredibly_ strong...” she insists softly. “You fought the darkness within you since you were a child and you _never_ gave in. Not until Luke stopped believing in you. I know that now. And Snoke?” she nearly chokes in relief at the memory. “You killed your master because deep down you knew he was doing more harm than good. That took _courage_. It would’ve been much easier to kill me instead. This would all be over now...” Rey admits honestly as he finally meets her eyes.

Kylo says nothing as he contemplates the familiar tug of energy between them. Rey feels it too, and in a moment of weakness, wonders if she’ll ever feel his warm, wanting mouth against hers again. Quickly disregarding that line of thought, she clears her throat.  

“Anyway, Ben Solo is one of the strongest men I’ve ever met.” Rey looks him straight in the eyes, making sure he can see her sincerity. “And I need him now.” She reaches down between them until she finds his hand and gently laces her fingers between his. “I need you, Ben.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovely readers! Thanks so much for sticking around. I’m glad you’re enjoying this fic and I absolutely love reading all of your comments. It took me several days of brainstorming to get this chapter right… I hope it doesn’t seem too OOC. Let me know what you think. More to come soon.


	8. Fibs and Friendship

In the weeks that follow, neither Kylo nor Rey acknowledge the kiss they shared, letting the memory fade into their checkered pasts. However they become more attuned with one another in other ways. Rey welcomes spontaneous teachings from her former adversary. She and Kylo meditate together quite frequently and he shows her how to shield her thoughts from unwelcome intrusion. Her mental abilities are unrefined in comparison to her physical skills, but nevertheless the girl is a quick learner. A natural-born force user. And Kylo regards her with a reverence he’s never held for anyone.

Their bond provides something of a sanctuary; a safe place wherein they can each temporarily escape the burdens of their opposing realities.

* * *

“What’s on your mind?” Poe asks one day, catching Rey lost in thought. He’d found her sitting on the shores of Parkosis lagoon- an artificial pool that had quickly become one of Rey’s favorite spots to spend time on Arkanis.

“Nothing much.” She glances up at her newest friend, welcoming him with a smile and squinting slightly as the warm afternoon sun hits her face. He takes a seat on the ground beside her.

“I don’t believe that,” Poe replies offhandedly. He doesn’t intend the statement to come across as accusing or judgmental, but it’s hard not to take it that way. “Now we can sit here going in circles all day _or_ … you can tell me what the deal is.”

“What do you mean?” Rey asks with a guilty chuckle.

“Finn’s worried about you. Says you’ve been distant. Different. Leia’s got you completely in the dark…” Poe observes. “Now as far as I can tell, you’re the greatest asset the Resistance has right now. And I know it’s none of my business, but you do seem… _distracted_.”

Rey exhales audibly, knowing the difference in her behavior is evident to everyone around her.

“Nothing’s the same anymore,” she says vaguely, gazing into the distance as she considers her words. “I thought I’d find answers with Luke. Instead I just have more questions…”

Poe listens as she speaks, trying his best to sympathize with something he can’t even begin to understand. “But why all the secrecy?” he prods persistently. “I’ve been racking my brain over here and I cannot for the life of me figure out why Leia would strip your clearance.” His curious brown eyes reach out to her for answers.

In a moment of weakness, Rey almost tells him the truth. It would be so nice to confide in someone; to be honest for a change. And then she remembers how utterly ridiculous and inappropriate her situation would sound to anyone on the outside. Kylo Ren is the enemy. There is no changing that in the eyes of the galaxy.

“Trust me,” she says with a forced, reassuring smile. “It’s for the best.”

Poe doesn’t push the matter any further. “Alright, if you say so,” he yields agreeably, getting to his feet. “I’m not about to piss off a girl with a lightsaber.”

That gets a genuine chuckle out of her. “See ya,” Rey calls after him as Poe walks away. Grinning, she turns her attention to some thin blades of grass protruding from the sand beneath her fingers.

“Now which of your lowlife friends managed to coax such a smile out of you, I wonder?”

Rey hates it when Kylo materializes in a public setting. She quickly and discretely glances around, making sure no one can hear her before she speaks. “It’s none of your business,” she spits at him under her breath. “And don’t talk about them like that!”

“Defensive… _interesting_. Must be FN-2187.”

“I _said_ it’s none of your business,” Rey insists sternly. If there’s any jealousy in Kylo’s taunting, it goes right over her head. Her smile quickly gives way to a thoughtful somberness.

“What happened?” Kylo presses, perceiving her unease. When Rey doesn’t respond, he gently nudges at the periphery of her mind.

“You’re lonely,” he observes; a feeling which isn’t anything new, but _is_ unusually heightened within her.

“I _hate_ it when you do that,” Rey claims without looking at him, though her voice is steady and even rather than irritable.

Kylo doesn’t push his way into her mind any further. He doesn’t need to. “You know,” he muses calmly, striding in front of her until Rey finds herself engulfed by his shadow. That damned dramatic cape makes him appear so much larger than he already is. “Sometimes keeping the wrong company can be just as isolating as solitude. Your friends might care about you, but they’ll never _understand_ you. Not like I do.”

Rey looks up at him with wonder. For someone so seemingly out of touch with themselves, Ben Solo could be remarkably perceptive.

“Oh don’t look so surprised,” he scolds defensively. “I can be insightful.”

Rey grins in amusement, brushing him off; entirely unaware of how affected Kylo is by her blissful expression.

* * *

Later that evening, Rey is visited by General Organa.

“How are you my dear?” Leia asks, looking elegant as ever in a pale lavender gown.

“I’m well,” Rey answers with enthusiasm, her eyes lighting up ever-so-slightly.

“You certainly seem to be in better spirits today,” the General notes with a slightly teasing tone. “Might that have anything to do with a visit from a certain someone?”

Rey’s stomach drops at the insinuation, the shock leaving her momentarily paralyzed.

“Commander Dameron?” Leia spells out suggestively. “I understand you two spoke earlier today.”

Rey blushes in embarrassment at the near misunderstanding. “Oh! Yes,” she affirms in a desperate attempt to gather her own thoughts. She’d rather Leia suspect something burgeoning between herself and Poe than admit to the deepened connection she shared with the General’s own son.

The woman who had become something of a mentor to Rey smiles softly, completely unaware of the real plight at hand. “I’m glad to see you establishing some semblance of normality amidst everything going on,” General Organa admits. “And I appreciate your cooperation in all this, Rey. I know it isn’t easy- being kept on the outside…”

Rey just nods in response to Leia’s comments, a pained expression crossing her face. She can understand the circumstances well enough, but that doesn’t make them any easier to bear.

 A knowing silence befalls them.

“Have you spoken with him recently?” Leia asks, her voice little more than a whisper. “Ben,” she clarifies as if Rey doesn’t know to whom she is referring.

Rey sighs nervously. She had been less than forthright regarding the depth and frequency of her connection to Kylo as of late.

“Not really,” she lies, unable to look Leia in the eye.

The General is patient and careful with her words, but when Rey doesn’t give her anything more, Leia presses her further.

“Rey, where is he?” she asks with desperation.

“I don’t know…”

“You don’t know? Or you don’t want to tell me?”

Rey casts her eyes down, inadvertently giving Leia her answer.

“Rey, dear, I fear that your bond with my son is tainting your judgement.”

“No, General, er- Leia,” Rey corrects, “Ben is… well, he’s different. He’s… changing. If you just give it a little more time, I think we can end this without a war!”

Leia tilts her head to the side, both endeared and concerned by the naivety of the girl standing before her.

“Rey, as much as I don’t like it, my son has chosen a side. _Repeatedly_. I can’t…” her voice breaks and she squeezes her eyes shut, pained by the very thought of him. “I can’t hold out for one person any longer. Not when I have a much bigger family to look after.” 

Rey’s heart goes heavy in her chest as she realizes that even Leia has given up on her son. Kylo Ren is truly alone in the galaxy. There isn’t a soul on his side. Not his own military, nor his own blood. Just her. And for a nobody, Rey seems to have a rather pivotal role in the fate of the galaxy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this chapter isn't too boring. I know there isn't a whole lot of Rey/Kylo interaction, but I promise there's loads of that coming up soon! Believe me, I want to get to the good stuff as much as you do, but I also want it to be earned. Our girl Rey is finally warming up to the new Supreme Leader. Progress- yay!


	9. Battle Scars and Beauty Marks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy some FLUFF as Rey and Ben start opening up to one another.

Rey is hardly surprised to find Kylo in her room later that night as she exits the fresher in her oversized sleep shirt. He looks to be nearly ready for bed himself; adorned in black, but not his usual garb. It’s a softer, more casual ensemble of loose-fitting pants and a long-sleeved shirt that hugs his torso like a second skin. There’s a subtle but distinct dreariness in his eyes.

“How long have you been standing there?” Rey asks, moderately alarmed by the timing and knowing that the physical matter of the walls does not exist on the other end of their force bond.

“Not long enough to warrant your concern,” Kylo assures her calmly.

She seems satisfied with his answer and methodically runs a towel over her wet hair.

“Your mother asked me about you today,” Rey shares, omitting any small talk to address the issue at the forefront of her mind. “She wanted to know where you were.”

Kylo’s gaze locks onto Rey with curious apprehension.

“And? What did you say?” he prompts, wondering whether it might be time to summon Hux and change course.

Rey chews the inside of her cheek, suddenly racked with guilt. “I lied to her…” she admits, looking Ben dead in the eyes. “Or at least _heavily_ understated the truth,” she amends, trying to make herself feel as if she hadn’t betrayed the trust of someone she respects immensely.  

“Why did you do that?” Kylo asks, crossing his thick arms and taking a seat on the end of the bed as he awaits her explanation with interest.

“I don’t know...” Rey mutters as she gives her damp hair one last squeeze and haphazardly tosses the towel to the ground.

“That’s not true,” Kylo insists with the hint of a smirk tugging at the corner of his lips. Her cheeks always pinken when she lies, and the rosy glow currently gracing her visage doesn’t go unnoticed.

“ _Fine_ ,” Rey groans in annoyance, knowing he’d badger her until she admits it out loud. “I did it to protect you. _Not_ that you deserve it.”

“Someone’s certainly feisty today.” There’s a smugness to his tone that irritates Rey. She isn’t in the mood to deal with his attitude.

“Ben…” she whines in protest. “This is serious! We can’t just keep living in this bubble, pretending like the rest of the galaxy doesn’t exist…”

“Why not?” he goads relentlessly.

Rolling her eyes, Rey realizes she’s fighting a losing battle. They aren’t going to solve anything. Not tonight anyway.

“You’re impossible,” she informs him firmly, planting herself directly in front of Kylo with narrowed eyes.

“So my mother used to tell me…” he quietly laments.

The sudden softness to his voice catches Rey off-guard and she feels his thoughts drifting to his childhood. “Are you alright?” she questions in all sincerity, imagining it’s difficult to find oneself being hunted by your own parent.

Kylo looks up at her in confusion. “It hardly matters,” he remarks indifferently. His incessant self-loathing is slowly chipping away at Rey’s soul. Her heart breaks for this shattered man, despite wanting to hold him accountable for his many mistakes.

“It matters to me,” she asserts, absentmindedly reaching out to stroke his warm cheek with the back of her hand. Her fingers linger along his scar for much longer than she intended, but Kylo doesn’t object to her touch. A lump forms in her throat as Rey traces the marred skin all the way down his neck, realizing she is the author of his permanent disfigurement.  She’d never really taken the time to reflect on that fact before.

_I’m sorry,_ she projects, not quite confident enough to utter the words aloud.

_Don’t be,_ Kylo shoots back offhandedly. _It’s a constant reminder of you…_ he immediately looks down in embarrassment as the latter thought unintentionally slips through their bond. It’s becoming more and more difficult to hide anything from one another.

Rey can feel his twisted admiration of the scar and is appropriately stunned. He likes the mark _because_ it came at her hand. It humbles him, but also somehow validates him. Though deep down, he does question its effect on his already unconventional features. Rey shares in his chagrin as Kylo lets her explore these feelings. She gently takes his head in her hands, forcing him to look into her eyes as she gives him a reassuring smile. It’s one of the most simple, yet candid moments they’ve ever shared, and it leaves them both breathless.

After a brief contemplation in the awkward pause that follows, Rey turns around with purpose and reaches for the hem of her shirt.

_What are you doing?_ she hears Kylo wonder in shock, though he doesn’t protest out loud.

“Oh, don’t get excited…” she cautions him, gently pulling the garment up and over her head before tossing it to the ground. As the cool air hits her bare skin, Rey suddenly feels incredibly vulnerable, despite the presence of her shorts and chest wrap.  

Kylo can feel the innocence behind her intentions, but that doesn’t stop him from taunting the girl as she reveals more of herself to him. _Don’t flatter yourself scavenger, watching you undress is hardly enough to get me excited…_

Rey rolls her eyes, ignoring his attempted aloofness as she slowly turns to face him, revealing a long, thin scar trailing diagonally across her side. It stems from just beneath her armpit, sweeping across her ribcage and ending within inches of her belly button. It’s delicate and faded but readily apparent- made evident by the tiny, jagged markings where the wound had once been sloppily sewn shut.

Without rising from where he’s sitting, Kylo instinctively reaches out, gripping her waist easily with one large hand and pulling Rey towards him for a closer look. His eyes are glued to her pale skin as he gently brushes his thumb over the ghosted wound. Rey stiffens at his touch, a bit unnerved at the contact.

“What happened?” the words fall from his lips in equal parts curiosity and concern.

“I was twelve,” Rey explains. “Scavenging a freshly-downed freighter...”

She takes a nervous breath, realizing she’s never told anyone this before. She and Ben lock eyes briefly and he wills her to continue, looking up at the woman before him in awe, desperate to know more about her crude past. Rey is comforted by his attentiveness, relaxing enough to continue her story.

“When ships crash on Jakku, people flock to the wreckage like vultures. As a kid I had the advantage of being small and nimble. I could fit in places most others couldn’t, which normally worked in my favor. But in this particular instance, I was hungry and overconfident. I climbed several stories- untethered- to access a small storage locker hidden at the top of the main hold. I managed to fill my sack with a few valuables, but on my way down I slipped and fell. I gashed my side open on a piece of metal. There was blood everywhere...” Rey pauses as the vivid memory resurfaces. Warm red liquid had oozed from her torso and stained her small hands as the unmistakable smell of iron filled her nostrils. The pain had been nothing in comparison to the fear as she’d quickly begun to grow lightheaded.

Kylo sees the moment play out in her mind as if it’s happening right in front of him, and Rey feels something warm and unexpected flood their bond: _empathy_.

“Nobody noticed me,” she continues meekly. “Or at least  _pretended_ they didn’t and went about their business as I collapsed to the floor, bleeding out…”

She can feel the bitterness well up within Kylo as he listens. His posthumous protectiveness is almost endearing, though Rey can’t help but wonder if any pittance of sympathy he shows her is more out of some warped sense of obligation than any kind of real sincerity. Nevertheless, she feels compelled to confide in him.

“Anyway, this frail older woman finally saw me and sacrificed her own day of foraging to take me in. She carried me off the ship and across the desert, stitched me up, and housed me for two nights.” Rey sighs gratefully, running her own fingers over the scar on her belly, thankful that hers is at least easily concealable. Not like the mark she’d given Ben. “I was unconscious most of the time. I don’t even know the woman’s name. But I think about her every day. She saved my life...”  

_Thank the maker for that._ Kylo pulls Rey in closer and as he grips her waist, something within her burns curiously. She can feel her pulse quicken and a small, unbidden gasp escapes her throat as she peers down into his dark, wanting eyes. He shouldn’t look at her like that; his adamant gaze and parted lips seemingly daring her to lean in. It would be so easy; to place her mouth upon his and let Kylo do the rest; pulling her down into him hungrily as his hands get lost in her freshly-washed hair...

With wide eyes, Rey swiftly puts an end that train of thought, ashamed of the desire she hadn’t realized resided within her. It scares her almost- this foreign sensation that seems to be tearing her apart from the inside out.

Sensing her unease, Kylo releases Rey and reaches out his hand, using the force to summon the garment she’d deposited on the floor earlier. He gently helps tug the article over her head, secretly charmed at the way the shirt musses her damp brown hair.

With a shy smile, Rey takes Kylo’s hand and climbs onto the bed, dragging him with her. She doesn’t know what exactly is burgeoning between them, just that she is desperate not to lose his company while she has it. Without a word, Rey rolls onto her side, facing away. She’s thrilled when she feels Kylo’s warm chest press against her back as he lazily drapes an arm around her.

“Goodnight Ben,” she manages meekly before falling asleep in his embrace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who has stuck around this long to find out what happens! I do hope you're enjoying the slow-building relationship between these two. I certainly can't wait to share more. I promise Kylo won't always be written quite this soft, but come on- if you've seen TLJ, then you know he all but melts in Rey's presence hehehe. Happy reading!


	10. Chapter 10

Rey wakes slowly the next morning, burrowing into her pillow like a child seeking to savor every last moment of warmth and comfort possible. She inhales deeply, infusing her body with energy, but also filling her nostrils with the scent of something vaguely fresh and woodsy. When Rey finally does open her eyes, she finds herself all but nestled into the hair of a still-sleeping Kylo. She involuntarily gasps and shoots backwards out of bed, severing the force connection in the process.

Rey winces as the sharp sting of their abrupt separation shoots through her head. It was the first time she seemed to have any kind of control over their bond, which was promising, albeit painful.

Kylo snaps into consciousness at the sudden shift in the force, glancing over his shoulder only to find himself alone and confused.

Breathing hard, Rey looks upon her now empty sheets in horror. A great many questions flood her still-waking brain.

 _Had they been connected all night?_ She vaguely recalls their conversation the previous evening and chastises herself for being so careless.

 _What in maker’s sake had she been thinking- falling asleep in the arms of the enemy?_ Maybe Leia is right after all. Rey is becoming far too comfortable with the General’s long lost son.

Massaging her stiff left shoulder, Rey bites her lower lip with thoughtful uncertainty. Without hesitation, she readies herself for the day ahead and scurries out of the room, barely stopping to breathe until she is planted firmly outside Finn’s door.

Taking a deep, confident breath, she knocks.

Finn swings the door open energetically, but the bewildered expression on his face at her unexpected presence is enough to make Rey’s eyes burn with guilt.

“Hey…” she greets softly after an inordinately long silence. Finn is still practically gaping.

“Hey!” he retorts when he finally regains his composure. Finn embraces Rey in a warm, welcoming hug. “It’s good to see you,” he whispers earnestly. Rey’s abrupt detachment from her friends and comrades after Skywalker’s death had been driving him crazy.

The girl forces a small but sincere smile. “Can I come in?” she asks, hopeful.  

“Of course. Of course!” Finn steps aside to let his friend pass. “So, uh- what brings you by?”

Rey glances around, familiarizing herself with his makeshift quarters. “I missed you,” she admits, meeting his eyes with all the sweetness that Finn remembered. He seems to relax a bit upon hearing as much.

 “I missed you too…” he assures her, hoping for a more elaborate explanation. But it doesn’t come.

Rey wants terribly to confide in her friend, but she isn’t ready to open up. Not just yet. Not about Kylo and the Force bond. In fact, she came to Finn to escape all of that.

They pass the afternoon making small talk and discussing the variety of things they might like to do and see together while on Arkanis.

“I’ve missed this,” Finn laments at the end of the day. “Spending time with you…” he clarifies, reaching for Rey’s hand. She resists the very strong urge to pull away, because for the first time since she’d met Finn, Rey realizes that he might care for her as more than just a friend- and it scares her. She’d begun to read and understand relationships a bit differently ever since… well, ever since Kylo had kissed her.

Rey goes rigid in panic, but smiles to cover up her discomfort as she contemplates the complexities of her once simple life. If Finn has any kind of feelings for her, then telling him about the Force bond would only hurt him even more than she anticipated. She couldn’t do that to her friend. Not now. Maybe not ever. Rey groans internally and decides to leave the issue for another day.

Shortly thereafter, Poe approaches, ushering Finn away for an important meeting. Rey, who normally might had been envious, is nothing short of grateful for the interruption.

“I’m so sorry, I have to go,” Finn apologizes regretfully.

“It’s okay,” Rey assures him with a weak smile. “I’ll see you later.”

“I hope so…” the solemn hopefulness in Finn’s voice is heartbreaking.

* * *

 

Kylo stands, unassuming, on the deck of the launch bay, watching TIE fighters come and go emotionlessly through the guise of his helmet. He’s waiting for someone, but in the meantime, his thoughts drift back to Rey as they so often did.

 _Had she been there when he woke that morning?_ The dull, unrelenting ache in the Supreme Leader’s head made him suspect that she might be actively shutting him out again. _But why?_ They seemed to have been getting along cordially enough, and yet the girl could still be so infuriating!

Before he can ponder the matter much further, footsteps approach from behind. A fully-outfitted Stormtrooper steps forward and joins Kylo, looking straight ahead into space. Neither of them says anything right away. The Supreme Leader allows himself a few moments to shift his thoughts to matters of more immediate concern.

“Any word on what we discussed?” he asks- his modulated voice seemingly more calm and even than he alone could ever hope to be.

The trooper shifts his weight within the bulky armor. “There are definitely rumblings, sir.”

Kylo cringes slightly, though the information hardly comes as a surprise.

“Care to be more specific?” Ren urges impatiently.

“There’s talk of a coup throughout several legions, and as far as I can tell it seems to come from very high up...”

Kylo knew exactly where it came from. He’d suspected Hux would try something, which is why he’d recruited an unassuming officer to gather information and help him stay one step ahead. How the ginger rat had been able to guard his thoughts so well in his superior’s presence would’ve been impressive had his intentions not been treasonous. Ren scoffs, fuming inside.

“Any word on when this little event might take place?”

The uncomfortable gulp was practically audible through TN-3912’s mask. “I- I’m afraid I’m not sure, sir.”

Kylo clenches his jaw in anger before turning to the officer beside him. “Then what use are you to me?!” he shouts in frustration.

“I’m sorry Supreme Leader. Just talk is all I’ve heard. There are no concrete plans so far as I can tell.”

Ren loses it. He reaches out with the force and grips the man’s neck in fury.

“When I ask you to do something, I expect _answers_ , not more questions,” he seethes as the officer struggles for breath under his invisible fingertips. Ren holds him there until he feels his point has been made. If it weren’t for the little voice of light in the back of his mind-that sounded an awful lot like Rey- Kylo might have killed the man then and there.

TN-3912 collapses into a hunch, struggling to stay upright as Kylo releases him. “I-“ he gasps for air. “I’m s- sorry Sir, I’ll get the i- information for you!”

“Don’t bother,” Ren remarks disinterestedly. “I’ll do it myself.”

* * *

 

Later that night, Rey sits cross legged on her bed, clasping a warm cup of the Chandrilian tea Leia had introduced her to.

It was only then that her thoughts inevitably turn back to Kylo. They hadn’t been connected since that morning, which was unusual, so she must’ve subconsciously been pushing him away again. No doubt he would lecture her on that the next time they spoke. For the time being, Rey tries to enjoy the serenity of her solitude.

The Force however, seems to have other plans; for as she closes her eyes in peaceful meditation, Rey is met- not by the darkness of her own eyelids- but the blinding light of a force vision. The same vision as before. Four ghosted figures. Two on each side of her. One on the right crumples to the floor in some sort of distress. Rey is immediately concerned for the anonymous entity’s well-being. As she scurries forward and crouches down toward the apparition on the ground, it’s as if a weight is lifted off her shoulders. Rey looks back to find nothing but empty space behind her- it’s as if the first pair of figures had never existed. But that hardly matters now.

“Who are you?” Rey mutters to herself quietly as she reaches out toward the individual before her. Instantly the vision begins to solidify and Rey has her answer almost immediately. She recognizes the feel of the course fabric beneath her fingertips.

“Ben?” she questions aloud, confused by his unconscious state. Curious, Rey glances up to find a smug looking redhead standing over Kylo’s unresponsive form with a self-satisfied smirk on his face that could only mean one thing.

“No!” she cries out in horror as the vision ends. Rey opens her eyes and leans forward, bracing herself on the bed as her tea goes flying out of her hands clumsily in the process.

A warm flush of guilt floods her consciousness at what she’d seen. Ben’s lifeless body- bloodied and battered in a heap on the floor. And it scared her. Mostly because the vision shouldn’t have affected her so deeply and completely. But it did. Because beyond all reason, she cared.

 _I’m a fool_ , Rey laments, reaching up and rubbing her forehead methodically.

“Far from it,” an old, wise voice interjects.

Rey looks up to find the ghost of Luke once again regarding her from across the room.

“Master Skywalker,” she greets in surprise, suddenly self-conscious about her current, flustered state. She sits up tall, but there is no masking the turmoil stirring within her. Luke addresses this upfront.

“There’s no shame in what you’re feeling Rey. You mistake your sympathy for my nephew as weakness, when in fact the exact opposite is true.”

Rey is utterly dumbfounded. She blinks several times, making sure she heard him right. “How can you possibly say that after all he’s done?” Rey asks desperately.

Luke considers this a moment before responding. “Ben fell into darkness because I lost faith in him. But you’re stronger than I was, Rey. More persistent. You _could_ be the missing piece that makes all the difference in his life.”

She scoffs in nothing short of disbelief. “I want to believe that. But Kylo has given me no reason to think he will ever change.”

Luke cocks his head in confusion, not quite convinced by her statement. “Yet you fear for his well-being. That much is evident by your reaction to the vision you just had.”

Rey furrows her brow contemplatively. “Empathy is not the same thing as forgiveness.”

“No it isn’t,” Luke agrees. “But it can be a good first step. Look, I’m not saying that Ben deserves your forgiveness. He doesn’t. But it’s up to you whether you’re willing to give it and move on.”

Rey is unable to deny the appeal of letting her relationship with Ben evolve. Especially since they were going to be permanently connected via the Force. It was exhausting trying to keep him at bay. It would be so nice to address one another without the bitterness of their histories undermining every interaction. Yet at the same time, Rey couldn’t fathom being able to overlook his many mistakes.

“So whatever I just saw… that was Ben’s future?”

“It’s one possible version of the future. Every decision the two of you make from here on out will either prevent that particular event… or instigate it. There’s no way to know for sure.”

“If Ben’s in trouble, how can I possibly help him from halfway across the galaxy?” Rey presses, clearly anxious.

“You have more influence over him than you know.”

She looks down, wishing she could believe the words coming from the old Jedi.

“He cares for you Rey…. I know you’re trying to ignore that, but maybe… maybe that could be a tool rather than the problem you’re making it out to be.”

She shakes her head in denial. “I can’t possibly indulge his sick fantasies, even for the sake of this war. What would the Resistance think!?”

Luke observes Rey very closely. “Not everything is about the Resistance, Rey. It can’t be. There’s a war going on, yes. But you can’t let your own identity fade into non-existence because of it. This is about more than the war. This is about you and Ben. What do you want, Rey?”

A single tear topples down Rey’s cheek. “It’s not fair,” she says softly, to no one in particular. “I didn’t choose this.” Luke listens, but doesn’t interrupt. “The Force shouldn’t get to dictate my life. Why am I connected to him?” she blurts in distress.

“Is it really the force bond you’re so worked up about? Or is it what the bond has awakened?”

A blush rises in Rey’s cheeks. The bond hadn’t initiated anything. She felt _nothing_ for Kylo. _Less than nothing._ Rey almost laughs as she feeds herself such lies. But it was easier than admitting the truth.

“What do I do?” she asks desperately.

“Trust the Force,” Luke advises- just as Kylo had said from the beginning. And well, perhaps they were both right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovely readers! I apologize for being away so long, but life happens. I could never abandon this story though- I think about it far too often. Here's an update for you, with more to come! Enjoy, and let me know what you think. It's good to be back!


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